


Boy

by sleepysweaters



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Other, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:22:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4690313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepysweaters/pseuds/sleepysweaters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucy is Calum, but Calum is not Lucy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> If this is wrong in anyway then please tell me so I can fix it.

Calum stared at his reflection and everything was wrong. The way his black hair fell to his boobs, the fact that he had boobs was wrong. He was wearing a pastel blue jumper which was tucked into a white skirt. He stared in the mirror and his eyes flickered to the makeup on his face. He had been trained to be able to flick his eyeliner out since he was 13 and 5 years later, he was still doing it.

"Lucy, you're going to be late for school if you don't stop looking at yourself," Mali, his sister, said and Calum grabbed his white backpack off the floor and smiled at his sister.

"Sorry, I was just making sure that my outfit was 100 percent perfect," he said and the voice that came out of his mouth didn't match the person in his head.

"You look beautiful, as always. I don't get why you're always so worried, lil sis," Mali said and Calum giggled and blushed. He had to admit that he was pretty good at lying about his gender.

The two walked to Mali's car and drove to school. He watched out the window and listened as Taylor Swift's new album played quietly, the two both loved the album. Calum noticed the tall blonde kid that they drove past every day, who he also waved at every day.

"Why didn't you curl your hair? It would've made your look 200 percent better for when we take that outfit of the day for your Instagram later," Mali said and Calum pouted.

"You could've told me that before we left the house, now I'll feel so self-conscious the entire day. You're the worse," he said, and he somewhat did care.

People said that if you were transgender then you wouldn't like girly things, but he had read stories where boys wore skirts and were still a boy. Why was he any less of a boy when he wore skirts and did his makeup perfectly? He knew that if his gender was a girl then he wouldn't hate his body, but the way that his body curved and the weight of his boobs made him hate his body. He didn't hate it because he wore female clothes.

"I'm sorry, Lucy. You're looking super-hot though," Mali said and Calum sent her a cheeky smile. He tried to hide the disgust for the female name that no one knew that he hated. He had grown great at acting in his years of knowing that he was transgender.

"So, do I meet you at the car after school or do I need to talk to Ashton and get a ride from him?" Calum asked as Mali parked the car.

Mali was known for skipping classes and would sometimes invite Calum to join her, but he was too afraid to. What if they got caught? What if his mum found out and took away his phone.

"Just ask Ashton to give you a ride, maybe he'll tell you that he loves you today," Mali teased and Calum's cheeks turned rosy from embarrassment.

The boy had a slight crush on Ashton, an innocent boy who was a grade above him. Calum got out of his older sister's car and rushed to the school doors. He didn't need Mali embarrassing him in front of any of his friends.

"Lucy!" Someone exclaimed as Calum walked through the doors of his school. Another day of being misgendered and being called the wrong name, or just any other day. He turned to see his best friend Gwen, she was wearing the same outfit as him, just different colors and different shoes.

"Gwenie!" He fake squealed, he wished that he could feel the excitement that girls feel towards their best friends, but he didn't.

"We're literally twins, I mean look at us," Gwen said and Calum was fonding over her when she said that. Calum couldn't help it whenever Gwen showed up with her prize winning golden hair curled to utter perfection and blue eyes sparkling in delight.

"We totally are twins, Gwenie," he said and she giggled at him. Gwen suddenly looked up at him and got an excited expression.

"You'll never believe who called me cute last night," she said and Calum faked a smile.

"Who?" He asked and she giggled.

"You know Niall Horan? He's tall and blonde, well he's friends with Harry Styles, the really good looking chap that sings in that one band. I think the band is called like Icy Stones or –"Calum cut her off with a chuckled.

"Harry is in the band Pretentious, and yes I know who Niall is," Calum said and Gwen nodded. She amused Calum a lot when it came to her rambling.

"Well Niall called me cute, and you know how long I've had a crush on him," she said and Calum nodded supportively.

"What happened after that?" He asked and Gwen giggled excitedly.

"He asked me out, I went to see his show. Michael invited me, he said that said you couldn't come because of something, I forgot what he said," Gwen said and Calum nodded

"I wasn't feeling well last night, I regret not going now," he said and Gwen nodded.

"Are you okay now? I know you put school as a first priority, but if you feel sick then I bet your mom would understand," Gwen said and Calum shook his head.

Last night he had really bad gender dysphoria, and his way to cope with it was just lying in his bed and crying. He also had some All Time Low playing in the background as he cried and wore one of Michael's shirts.

"Babe," Michael said as he came over to Gwen and Calum. Michael never called Calum by his name. He only called Calum by babe, which got annoying at times and other times he liked not having to hear a female based name.

"Michael," Calum said and the red haired boy smiled at him happily.

"That's my name, don't wear it out," Michael said and Calum rolled his brown eyes.

"Did Niall tell you? He asked me out! Isn't that great? Maybe I won't be single anymore and I'll be with the hottest boy at our school," Gwen said and Michael nodded.

"I'm pretty sure I'm the hottest boy at this school, Gwen. Maybe one day you'll date someone with the equivalence of my hotness," Michael said and Gwen shook her head.

"You're more like the most self-absorbed boy at school, and I mean you're losing hair and you're still so into yourself," Calum stated and Michael scoffed.

"So what? I'm confident, and so are you," Michael said and Calum rolled his eyes. Gwen shook her head at the two and then got her phone out.

"Michael, take a picture of Lucy and me. Our outfits are matching and I'm feeling fresh," she said and Michael grabbed the phone. He knew to go to her snapchat since Gwen swore that it took better photos.

"Pose girls, you're looking hot," he said and Calum blushed.

Calum had his arm around Gwen's waist and she copied his actions. The two smiled brightly and Michael snapped a photo. Gwen took her phone and squealed at the photo.

"We look so cute, Lucy!" Gwen exclaimed and Calum looked over to see the photo. His cheeks were a rosy pink and he had a cute smile, his hair looked perfect somehow.

His eyes went over to Gwen and his breath caught up in his throat. Sometimes he wished that he wasn't best friends with a future model who knew how to do everything perfectly.

"Totally text that to me because I don't want to screenshot it and have those shitty numbers on it," Calum said and Gwen chuckled and nodded.

"The bell will be ringing soon, let's go to class," Michael said and put his arm out for Calum. Calum sent him a glare and an eye roll and the red haired boy laughed. "One day you'll take my arm and love me."

"You mean your dreams, right?" Calum asked and Gwen started to laugh really hard. This was almost a daily occurrence, but she would never get over the way Calum spoke to Michael like that.

"Come on, I don't want to be late," Michael said and Calum hugged Gwen goodbye. Gwen went to math and the other two went to choir. It was a silent walk most days, but today Michael was fidgety.

"What's the matter?" Calum asked and Michael looked over at him and chuckled. Michael had never been good at talking to Calum when no one was around, and Calum didn't understand why.

"I just don't feel too good, I mean there's a bug going around apparently. I mean you got sick and you never get sick," Michael said and Calum nodded.

"I wasn't actually sick, I just wasn't feeling too good," Calum said and Michael nodded. Michael was looking over at Calum, but the black haired boy refused to look over at him.

-

Lunch had always been an easy thing for Calum, he knew where he fit in at school. He had been friends with some of the people in his group since he was in the fourth grade. It had always been a small group as well, seeing that none of them had ever actually liked big crowds where it was hard to plan anything.

"Lucy, you look beautiful today," Ashton said and Calum smiled at him. Ashton sat across from Calum at lunch, Gwen and Michael sat next to Calum at lunch and that was all the assigned seats.

There were two others in the group; Stephanie, Gwen's friend, and whoever Michael was dating that week. No one ever got her phone number, so when they went out to the movies or to the roller rink Michael had to tell her about it.

"Thank you, Ashton," Calum said and Michael was staring at Calum curiously.

"Mrs. Hester is having a test and I'm not ready," Gwen said and Stephanie was pulling on her long brown hair nervously.

"Stop pulling on your hair, it could hurt it. I already took the test, it was easy," Calum said and Stephanie let go of her support system.

"You're the smartest kid in our grade though, of course it was easy to you," Gwen said as she hit her head on the circular table.

"I'm in the same class period as her and it was easy," Michael said and Gwen let out a broken scream. Her own brother would get a better grade than she would. She was going to have an anxiety attack if she didn't calm herself down.

"Gwen, do you want me to help you or?" Calum asked and Gwen's head rose up to look at him. She nodded and grabbed her bag to get out the notes from the other day.

"I don't have some of the notes, that's why I'm going to fail this test," she said and Calum got his binder out and handed it to her.

"All of my notes are in there, feel free to just use my notes," he said and Gwen hugged him violently and kissed his cheek.

"Lucy, you're my best friend and I love you!" She exclaimed and Calum smiled at her sadly, he meant it to be a happy smile, but no one really noticed his expression.

"I love you too," he said and she smiled at him brightly.

"Best friends forever?" She asked and he sighed for a moment.

"Best friends forever," he confirmed and Michael was the only one to notice the sad tone in Calum's voice.

-

Three days after Gwen had taken her test she found out that she had made a perfect score and brought Calum a cake to school. It was only some of the perks of being friends with Gwen, a girl who bakes whenever she gets bored.

"Michael might call you later," Gwen called out as Calum opened the front door to his house and walked inside.

He dumped his bag and shoes in the foyer and then traveled off to find his mother. Most days she was in the kitchen making him and Mali a snack and other days she was working on a book that she had been writing for over a year.

"Mom?" Calum asked and there a noise of something falling coming from the kitchen. He assumed that she was in the kitchen, so he headed that way.

"Lucy, you're home early," she asked and she had flour all over her tan figure. Calum went over to her and started to help her clean up.

"Gwen has a new boyfriend and they dropped me off before going off to the park or something," he said and his mother nodded. He told his mom almost everything, he just wasn't sure how she'd feel if she knew that he was transgender.

"Besides that, how was school?" She asked and he smiled. It was such a generic question, but she really meant it and he knew that.

"It was great, like every day. Life never really shakes anything up," he said and she nodded. She loved the fact that her daughter always had a great day.

"That's great, Lucy," she said and Calum nodded before going upstairs.

He went to room and closed the door, time to get comfortable. He picked up Michael's shirt, a gift from Gwen, who swore that Michael had no clue, and put it on. Gwen had given Calum the shirt when she noticed that he didn't have anything that baggy for sleepwear. Calum grew up with having to wear strictly wear girly clothes that when he figured out his gender, he wondered if maybe this was the rebellious phase every parent always feared.

Calum only wore the shirt at home, he knew he was safe that way. He knew that if he came out that there was a possibility that he could be dressing the way he actually wanted to, but he wasn't 100 percent sure if his parents would accept him. He knew that Gwen would accept him, she came out as genderfluid to him last year and he could've told her then, but he didn't. He just felt afraid and didn't know how to tell anyone.

His phone began to ring and Michael's face appeared on the screen. Calum didn't think that Michael would call at 4:30, it was kind of an early time. He pressed the answer button and there was scream on the other line.

"Hello?" Calum asked curiously and Michael coughed.

"Lucy, hey," he said and Calum found it incredibly weird that Michael was calling him something other than babe.

"Michael?" Calum asked and there was a confirmation noise on the other line that sounded like a dinosaur.

"Yeah, what do you need?" Michael asked and Calum was confused.

"First off, you called me. Second off, why did you call me Lucy, you never call me by my name," he said and Michael didn't respond for a moment.

"Well, you don't like it when I call you babe, so I thought I should just call you by your name," Michael said and Calum wanted to cry a little.

"Okay, now why did you call me?" Calum asked annoyed, the only gender neutral thing that he had was gone now.

"There's a concert tonight, Gwen is coming by to pick you up. See you later," he said and the phone was disconnected. Calum groaned, that meant that he'd have to put his bra back on and look presentable again.

"Fuck this, I'm going to wear some jeans," he mumbled as he took out some jeans and shoved them on. He looked in the mirror, in his baggy t-shirt and jeans, he looked like a boy from him neck down.

He trudged to the bathroom, he still had yet to go change into another shirt and he debated on just wearing the one he had on. He knew Michael would make a comment, but he just didn't care at this point of time.

Calum fixed his half-taken-off-makeup and then curled his hair and went back to his room. He grabbed a white hoodie and finished getting ready. He looked in the mirror and thought that he looked casual, and if Gwen looked really nice then he'd just say that he needed to change.

His phone binged and he looked to see that Gwen was outside of his house. It was six by then and he was shoving on some black shoes before hurrying downstairs.

"Mom, I'm going to be going to Michael's concert, I'll be home by 11," he said and she nodded at him. His mother never really cared what he was doing, just as long as he was able to answer his phone at all times.

He exited the house and saw Gwen in a t-shirt and jeans and smiled at the fact that he didn't need to go change into something nice.

"You're wearing pants, I don't know if I've ever seen you wearing pants," Gwen said overdramatically and he rolled his eyes at her.

"You have too, I wore pants to finals last year because I couldn't figure out how to put an outfit together with all the stress screaming at me," Calum said and she nodded. Finals were never a good thing for anyone at their high school.

"Oh yeah, finals have always been a dark time for us," she said while shivering and Calum nodded vigorously as he buckled his seatbelt.

"I know you warned me about Michael calling me earlier, but he called me by my first name. He also said that he stopped the whole babe act because I don't like it. Do you think that he could be sick?" Calum asked and Gwen shook her head.

"He's pretty healthy currently, maybe he's having mood swings again? I'm not sure if he still has to take T. I don't remember what it sounds like when he says your name, the last time that happened was when you almost dated that one senior in our freshmen year," she said and Calum nodded.

"What was his name? I feel like his name was Zayn or something," he said and Gwen nodded. Neither of them could even remember freshmen year that well anymore, so why try to?

The card ride was filled with the two teenagers singing songs that they knew came on the radio. Calum felt normal for once, jeans and a hoodie had never felt so right before. He looked over at Gwen, who was singing perfectly to Blank Space and he just smiled. He really loved his best friend.

They were at some bar that Michael's band was playing at. The two went inside and everyone already knew Gwen, Calum rarely ever came to any of Michael's shows. The red haired boy ran over to the two and he was smiling brightly.

"You actually made it!" Michael exclaimed and Calum nodded awkwardly as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah," he said and Michael was smiling brightly. His pale skin seemed to be glowing and however Michael got to look so happy, Calum needed that.

Calum always looked glum, he couldn't help it. He could smile easily and have a bashful appearance, but behind that he always looked glum.

"You don't understand how excited I am that you're here," Michael said and Calum smelt the familiar smell of cigarette smoke and felt nauseated.

"Are people smoking here?" Calum asked and he started to cough and then tasted something disgusting in the back of his throat.

"Yeah, people usually smoke here," Michael said and Calum started to cough even harder and felt the sense of wanting to throw up. He had never been good with the smell of cigarettes, especially after he tried to smoke them in his freshmen year.

"I think I'm going to throw up, maybe I should go," Calum suggested before turning. Michael grabbed his arm and shook his head, he looked frightened.

"You never come to shows, you can't go now," Michael said with a pout and Calum shook his head. He looked over to Gwen, but she wasn't there anymore. She sat, across the place, next to Niall as she twirled her hair, obviously flirting.

"I don't feel good," Calum said once more and Michael rolled his eyes. Calum knew that either way, coming to a lot of shows or never coming, Michael was going to make him stay. "Michael, I'm allergic to the smoke."

"You can use my jean jacket and cover your nose," Michael said with a pout and Calum didn't know how to say no to him.

"I guess I can stay for a couple of songs, but give me that jacket now."

Michael's eyes gleamed after that, Calum could see his pretty green eyes light up in the dirty light that the bar had to offer. Michael was wearing a blue flannel that said Idiot on it and some black jeans and Calum thought he looked really nice.

"First you have to meet everyone!" Michael exclaimed and Calum was dragged to the other side of the bar where most of the people were at. "Everyone, say hello to Lucy!" Michael looked like he had just gotten a puppy for Christmas, and no one knew why.

Calum waved to everyone and they all waved back. A couple people came up to him to introduce themselves, but most of them didn't. Calum stayed quiet until Gwen came over and the two started to talk about how cool it would be if she started dating a guitar player.

"So, is there anyone who's grabbed your attention?" Gwen asked and Calum thought for a moment. He kind of liked Ashton, but he wasn't going to bring that up.

"No, I don't think so at least. You know how hard it is for me to determine my feelings," he said and Gwen nodded. She remembered freshmen year when she found her best friend crying on the staircase because Lucy didn't know if she could like someone.

"Well Niall wants to take me on a date after this, and you need a ride," Gwen trailed off and Calum knew where this was going.

"I'll try to make a friend and see who isn't dating someone here," Calum said and she squealed and hugged her best friend. Calum didn't really care if Gwen would leave him for a boy, he was fine being alone.

"I have to go tell Niall!" Gwen exclaimed and Calum nodded. A boy with long curly brown hair came and sat next to Calum.

Calum smiled at him awkwardly, does he say hi? He knew that the boy in front of him was Harry Styles, but he didn't want Harry to know that Calum knew him.

"You're really pretty," Harry said and Calum smiled at him and nodded.

"I've been told," Calum said and felt like an asshole after it came out of his mouth. He was awful at talking to people that weren't his friends. "I mean thank you."

Harry laughed at Calum, and the black haired boy knew that it wasn't a bad laugh. Harry seemed to think the word vomit was humorous or cute, maybe Calum could get a ride from him. Harry looked at his watch and there was a nice quiet atmosphere between the two.

"How weird would it be if I dedicated a song to you?" Harry asked and Calum shrugged, he saw nothing wrong with it.

"As long as you're not admitting your love for me just yet," Calum teased and Harry had light blush on his cheeks.

"It's more along the lines that everyone else has someone to dedicate a song to, but I don't," he said and Calum chuckled at him.

"Sure, go for it. Just no love songs," he said and Harry smiled at him brightly. Harry got up and went to the stage where the rest of the band was. Calum's eyes watched the lanky boy walk over to the stage and then connect with Michael, who looked away quickly when Calum caught him staring.

"Hello, we're Pretentious, and I'm Harry," Harry said and several people started to clap for them.

"I'm Michael."

"I'm Ashton."

"I'm Niall."

Calum was clapping for them and they started to sing a song they wrote called Ready To Run. Calum didn't expect them to be this good at singing.

"This is for my little sister Gwen. When I was going through a hard time, you were there for me. This is Unpredictable," Michael said and Gwen was smiling like an idiot.

"Why didn't you tell me that they were this good?" Calum asked her while they were singing and Gwen chuckled.

"I thought that maybe you'd find out on your own, and you have," she smiled and he rolled his eyes. Gwen always tried to sound inspirational and most of the time it didn't work.

"Please stop trying to sound inspirational," he said and she giggled.

"So I met a lovely person earlier, so I'm going to dedicate a song to her. This one is for you," Harry said and Calum knew that he was talking about him. Harry was playing and singing Riptide by Vance Joy. Calum laughed and Gwen looked excited.

"You and Harry?" She asked and Calum shook his head.

"This is more of a friendship song, he said that he needed someone to dedicate a song to," Calum said with a shrug. Gwen laughed at her friend and then turned her attention back up to Harry.

-

"Thank you, Michael, for giving me a ride back home," Calum said as he got out of Michael's car. Harry ended up running off with some girl after the show and Calum never got the chance to ask for a ride from the boy.

"It's no problem, Lu," Michael said and Calum sent him a disgusted face. Lu was probably the worse nickname he'd ever heard and he expected Michael to have something better than Lu.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" Calum asked and Michael looked down at him hands ashamed of what he had just said.

"You don't like it when I call you babe, and you make a disgusted face when anyone calls you Lucy. I'm trying to find a middle in here," Michael said, exasperated.

"Just call me babe, it's better than you calling me Lu. I love my name, I do not look disgusted when anyone calls me Lucy," Calum said and Michael started to laugh.

"I've known you since the 4th grade, since I was Michelle, and you get this look of pure disgust when anyone refers to you as Lucy," he said and Calum shook his head. He had forgotten all about Michael's transition from girl to boy, it had been so long ago.

-

"Soon I won't have to wear this stupid binder," Michael said with a smile on his face and Calum smiled at him.

"That's so great! Have you come up with a name yet, I don't think calling you Cliffy is going to work if you're going for a masculine approach," Calum said as he played with his pigtails.

"Well I like Michael, it's not too far from my name, but I don't know if it suits me," he said and Calum nodded and then giggled.

"Michael, what if I told you that I got voted cutest clothes for our eighth grade class!" Calum exclaimed while squealing. He had been confused about the award at first seeing that he didn't even dress himself, his mom dressed him in all the pink dresses and all the skirts.

"Really, Lucy! That's amazing!" Michael exclaimed and Calum nodded proudly.

"I don't really like my name, it sounds way too girly," Calum said after a couple moments of silence. Recess was about to end and Calum really needed to get it off of his chest.

"Lucy is a really girly name, what about Luke?" Michael asked and Calum's face scrunched up and he shook his head in disgust.

"That one chubby kid is called Luke and he's bullies me," Calum said and Michael nodded.

"I don't like him then, should I go give him a piece of my mind, babe?" Michael asked and Calum shook his head.

"Just call me babe until I figure it out," Calum said and Michael nodded as if he was a genius.

"Don't tell Gwen, but you just helped me determine if I like Michael or not and I like it a lot, thank you," he said and hugged his friend. Calum smiled as he hugged Michael and there was a moment of peace until they were brought back to reality with the name calling happening once again.

-

Michael was staring at Calum, his green eyes seemed to be trying to remember something and then a light dinged inside them, if that was possible. "You said that you hated your name."

"I never said that," Calum lied, he knew he had admitted that to only Michael years ago and he wasn't going to let the red haired boy win this.

"It's why I started calling you babe, you said it was fine. I can't believe I forgot that," Michael said with a laugh and Calum looked at him confused.

"Why do you say that? It was almost five years ago," Calum said and Michael smiled brightly at him. "Shit, I didn't mean to admit that."

"Oh, but you did. I had the biggest crush on you in the eighth grade, you were so pretty and everything I had wanted to be as a girl. Obviously I'm not a girl, but there was a point in time I told myself that I was a girl," Michael said and Calum nodded.

Calum sat got back into Michael's car and he listened to Michael talk. Michael had always had a nice voice, even before he transitioned. His voice reminded Calum of lilac velvet, he knew that adding a color made no sense but his voice made him think of lilac.

"You had a crush on me?" Calum asked, bright eyed and Michael nodded with a smile.

"I still kind of do, but you obviously like Ashton. He likes you too, just so you know. You're always late getting to the lunch table, but he's constantly going over what he should say to you when you get there. He's really annoying, let's drop him from the group," Michael said and it wasn't out of jealously, Calum could tell that Michael purely found Ashton annoying.

"He's a sweet kid, he just tries to make sure that I always feel loved I guess," Calum said, he honestly had no clue if that was even true.

"Sure, sure. What do you want me to call you? It's almost been five years, have you thought of a name that wasn't girly?" Michael asked and Calum shook his head.

"Lucy is fine, just call me that," he said and Michael shook his head.

"You obviously don't like it so I'm going to call you Norma," Michael said and Calum shook his head with a disgusted expression.

"I do not like that shitty show that you and Gwen watch," he said and Michael sighed overdramatically.

"That's the only flaw to you, you don't like my shows."

"Michael, how did you know that you were transgender?" Calum asked and Michael looked surprised at the question.

"Random question, but I'll tell you the answer. So Gwen and I are twins, but we're so opposite. She loved the idea of our mother dressing us up, but I didn't. I liked getting dirty, but apparently you can't do that in an expensive dress," Michael said in a humorous tone, but Calum didn't laugh.

"Anyways, I had always been jealous of my neighbor, remember Tyler?" Calum nodded and the other boy smiled. "I was jealous of how he got to get dirty and got to rough house and play catch with his dad. It had always been really weird things that I was jealous that he could do, I was really jealous that he could take off his shirt whenever and didn't have to wear stuffy dresses," Michael said and Calum nodded.

"Those aren't really weird things, they seem pretty normal," Calum said and Michael shrugged.

"I was looking up gender terms and I came across transgender. I'm going to be completely honest, I don't remember the exact definition for it that's on google, but I got the gist of it at the age of 11. I had started to dress more guyish in the fifth grade, my mom finally let me. I also had that horrendous bob that I swore that I loved, I actually hated it. I was just trying to see if the whole guy persona was me," Michael said and somehow Calum understood him.

"I understand you," he said and Michael chuckled and shook his head and the person in front of him. Michael thought that Calum had no idea what it was like.

"I remember my mom finally got onto me for wearing the clothes I was wearing, so I went back to skirts and nice shirts. I would look in the mirror and see this person that wasn't me. It was as if I was stuck in someone else's body, as if I was stuck in Michelle's body. I was there to keep her body warm and I knew that she wasn't coming back," Michael said and he started to cry.

His green eyes filled with tears and he realized that it had been about six or seven years since he had spoken about this. He remembered telling his therapist these things and then he was able to get his surgeries.

"If you don't want to talk about this, we don't have to," Calum said and Michael shook his head.

"I want to talk about this with you. I don't know why, but I feel like I need to," he said and Calum nodded and remained quiet.

He stared at Calum for a second and he wondered if Calum thought that his transition was easy.

"When I realized the boys wouldn't play with me, because I was a girl, that I wasn't normal. I realized that I was trapped in someone else's body, and I learned to hate myself. No one wanted to be my friend, besides you and Gwen. There was never a time when I found out, there was a time when it all clicked." Calum looked at him with tears streaming down his cheeks, he was pretty sure that his makeup was probably running.

"I'm sorry," Calum cried and Michael looked up at him and there was a confused expression on his face. Calum had never been one known to cry, not even in his moments of weakness.

"Why are you sorry? You're not the one that hurt me, and stop crying you probably have no clue what I'm talking about," Michael said bitterly. It was rude to say, but he didn't like the fact that Calum was crying for no reason.

"I'm sorry that it was hard for you, I have a name for you to call me but you can't tell anyone," Calum said, he was sobbing and couldn't focus straight.

"Stop crying and tell me," Michael said and Calum didn't think he was going to stop sobbing. He tried though, he sniffled and he got it to where he could speak.

"In the eighth grade, when you came out to me, I was confused. I researched the hell out of it and figured out that we weren't much different. I swore that I was trying to be rebellious, but I knew that I had never liked the dresses, skirts, or the makeup. My mother loved it, she loved having a daughter who would bend over and break her back for her," Calum whispered and Michael's eyes were wide.

"You're –"Calum cut him off by covering his mouth.

"When I told you that I hated my name, it was because when I looked in the mirror and whenever I heard myself speak or whenever I did anything, it wasn't me. I wanted one thing that was me, but at that point of time I had no idea what that thing was going to be. I looked up names and finally I came across something in my mom's office when I was using her computer to go on Facebook. I found a list of potential baby names that were for me, they didn't know my gender until after I was born," he said quietly, as if he was afraid that the empty neighborhood would hear.

Michael took Calum's hand off of his mouth and he looked at him with curious eyes. Calum became quiet and he stared at Michael for a couple of minutes.

"The first boy name was Calum, I loved the sound of the name whenever I said it. I mean I tried out other names, but I loved how Calum sounded. My online friends would call me that and it made me feel better about myself, they also called me by the correct pronouns. I knew what my gender was then, and only two people knew," he said and Michael nodded.

"So Calum, what happened to these two friends?" Michael asked and Calum loved how it sounded to be referred to as his name once again.

"They left, went off the college and never came back."

"So what are you, exactly? I really just want to hear you tell me so I know that I'm not assuming the wrong thing."

"I'm transgender and I'm a boy," he said before breaking down in sobs again and Michael brought him to his chest and patted his head.

"It's okay buddy, I'm here for you."


	2. Part Two

Calum called his mom and told her how he was spending the night with Gwen, even though it was actually Michael. They wouldn’t be doing anything wrong; it was just Michael knew Calum couldn’t go home in the state he was in, which was full of tears.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Calum whispered to Michael as they laid in Michael’s bed. The red haired boy had to force himself to not stare at Calum, who was wearing one of Michael’s baggy shirts and some of his boxers.

“Why would I tell anyone, it isn’t for me to tell,” he said and Calum nuzzled his head into Michael’s chest. Feelings were welling up in Michael’s chest and he just compressed them back down. Calum couldn’t handle a relationship, or whatever the hell Michael did, at this moment.

“I can’t tell anyone, I can’t believe I told you. It’s been this secret for so long, but now it’s in the atmosphere,” Calum said and Michael was now staring down at the boy laying on his chest.

 

“Let’s get your hair cut,” Michael said and Calum gasped and shook his head.

“People will ask me what I’m doing, if I’m on drugs,” he said and Michael chuckled.

“So, let’s make the cute boy you are, Cal,” Michael said and Calum stared up at him. Not even three hours and he had a cute nickname, something that was masculine, but pretty.

“You called me Cal,” Calum said and Michael nodded.

“I think it’s cute, like you.”

“I like it, it’s very nice,” Calum said, oblivious to Michael attempt to flirting. “Oh shit, I have to tell Gwen now. I don’t know if I can do that.”

Michael ran his fingers through Calum’s hair and sighed. “I understand the feeling, honestly I almost shitted my pants telling her.”

Calum was giggling at that, he had never known Michael to be anything less than brave and outgoing. He had always been on the sidelines admiring Michael, that’s what you did for your best friends. You were there for them at all times.

“I can’t imagine you being scared, all I can think is you with your shitty bob and pretty Gwen sitting in her bed doing homework and you crying before talking,” Calum said and Michael chuckled.

“That’s kind of how it went. She was doing homework and I started to sniffle and then said ‘I’m a boy and please love me.’ and she was just shrugged and said sure. It was terrifying,” he confessed and Calum listening to him intently, feeling the vibrations in his chest.

“I really want to cut my hair, maybe I’d feel more me,” Calum said sleepy. When people played with his hair, he became sleepy and cuddle with anything. He pulled Michael closer and was humming softly out of comfort.

“You will, it’s a very beautiful feeling. You’ve been trapped all this time and then all the sudden, you feel closer to being you,” Michael said and Calum smiled.

“Please talk forever, it’s so pretty,” he said and Michael chuckled. He knew how Calum got when he was sleepy and he was admitting things without realizing it right now.

“If you insist, prince,” Michael said and Calum giggled.

“Please call me prince forever, it’s so nice.”  
-  
It had been a week since Calum had told Michael he was a boy and they hadn’t really spoken about it after. Michael made sure to not use any gender specific terms (in public) and just stuck to calling him babe. They weren’t together, so it was normal like always.

“When are you going to tell Gwen?” Michael asked, and Calum shrugged.

“Maybe I can just stay closeted forever?” Calum questioned and Michael shook his head. “Why do you shake your head?”

“Let’s talk about this later,” Michael said and Calum nodded. They were almost to the choir room and neither of them wanted to talk about this with anyone who overheard. 

Choir was Calum’s favorite class, well besides the part where he was one of the leading sopranos. He had a hate/love relationship with his voice. He was impressed that he was able to hit all those high notes easily, but he wished he had a nice low voice. Michael was a tenor, that’s all that Calum wanted to be.  
-  
Michael had always been very touchy with Calum, everyone knew this, but he started getting even touchier. There hadn’t been a new girl at their table in two weeks, which was weird. Michael was known for having a new girlfriend every week, his crushes would appear out of nowhere and disappear as fast as they came. He had been like this since sophomore year, after he saw Calum with some senior in freshmen year.

“Michael, where is your new girlfriend?” Gwen asked, they were all sitting at lunch. Michael had his head on Calum’s shoulder, and there was an empty seat next to Michael.

“Well, I think I want a long term relationship, but he isn’t ready,” Michael said, letting the he slip out of his mouth. Everyone was staring at him now with shocked eyes.

“The Michael Clifford wants a long term relationship, Gwen you owe me $50,” Calum said and Gwen huffed.

“Wait you guys betted on me?” Michael asked and Calum nodded.

“I said that in senior year that someone will catch your eye, I just didn’t expect it to be a guy,” Calum said and Gwen nodded.

“Tell us who the lucky boy is,” Gwen said and Ashton was pretending to eat popcorn.

“There’s not much to him, he’s adorable and funny. I think if we keep his identity a secret for a while, then it’ll work out,” Michael said and everyone at the table nodded.

“You’ll tell me first, right?” Calum whispered over to him and Michael nodded.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”  
-  
“Okay, now who is this adorable boy?” Calum asked after he changed into some masculine clothes and was laying on Michael’s bed. 

“I don’t think it’s important enough to talk about,” Michael said and Calum rolled his eyes.

“You haven’t had a proper crush on someone in decades, it’s a big deal,” he said and Michael huffed.

“If you tell Gwen that you’re a boy, then I’ll tell you.” Calum’s curious stare became harsh and cold. Michael was afraid to look at the boy.

“Did you really just fucking say that? I thought that you, of all people, would know that you can’t rush these kinds of things. Fuck you,” Calum said as he stripped off Michael’s clothes and put on his lilac sweater and white skater skirt. 

“Lucy–“Michael was cut off by Calum’s wide eyes and hurt expression.

“I know it’s only been three weeks, but you were doing so well. I can’t believe that after five years of not calling me by my birth name that you fucking slip up,” Calum growled at Michael.

Michael stood there with shock all over his face and sadness in his eyes. “Cal, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Calum lied and Michael sent him an apologetic smile. He knew that Calum was lying, but he couldn’t bear to have Calum leave him in this moment.

“I promise it won’t happen again,” Michael said and Calum shrugged before falling back onto the bed, still in his girl clothes.

“It doesn’t really matter, my name by law is Lucy; so it’s okay,” Calum said and Michael laid next to the boy and looked at him with a sad expression.  
-  
“So, tell me what’s going on between you and Michael?” Gwen asked, she and Calum were having their monthly dinner. Basically the two went out to eat together and spoke about anything they hadn’t been able to the past month.

“He and I are friends,” Calum said calmly, there was nothing going on. Nothing had ever been going on. “He’s interested in some boy anyways."

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that because he stole you from me and refuses to talk to me,” Gwen pouted, she had her hair up in a bun and Calum adored it.

“He and I aren’t together or anything, he and I are just friends like we have been for ages,” he said as he took a drink form his chocolate shake.

“He still stole you away, fight for me next time,” she said and he sighed.

“Can I tell you something, and you not freak out?” He asked and Gwen clapped excitedly and nodded.

“You can always trust me.” Calum sighed and hated admitting this to her.

“I think I may have a thing for Michael, I know he doesn’t like me back or anything. It’s just he’s so cute and sweet. He gets me kind of like you do,” he said and Gwen was giggling.

“Okay, what if we convince him to like you instead of some stinky boy?” She asked and Calum shook his head.

“No, I can’t break the only crush that makes him want to have a long-term relationship,” he said and she nodded. She still wanted her best friend and her brother to get married so her best friend could be her sister-in-law.

“Well, I’ll find out more about this boy and I’ll tell you what’s going on with the whole thing,” Gwen said and Calum nodded.

“Now, let’s talk about you and Niall,” he said and Gwen’s face went red.

“He’s just so sweet, and we’ve gone on several dates, but he has yet to make it official,” Gwen said and started to ramble about the blonde boy. Calum smiled at her, he had missed this; he missed his best friend.  
-  
“Okay, tell me about his boy,” Gwen said, she was watching American Horror Story with Michael. He looked over at her from the other couch and paused the show.

“What do you want to know about him?” He asked and she sighed at him.

“I want to know his name, age, school, and I want to see a photo of him,” she said and he shook his head.

“His name is Calum, he’s 18, I don’t know his school, and I don’t have a photo of him,” he said and Gwen scoffed.

“I have a feeling that’s bullshit. Don’t forget that I’m your twin and know everything about you, especially when you lie,” she said and he rolled his eyes.

“I don’t have a picture of him, and I don’t know his school. Why would I lie about that?” He asked and she stared at him intensely for a minute and then shook her head.

“If I find out that you’re lying, I will murder you. Now tell me his hobbies and things,” she said and Michael sighed. All he wanted to do was watch his show.

“He likes to sing, he told me he wants to play the bass. He’s really cute; has black hair, a really beautiful tan complexion, and really warm brown eyes. He resembles a small little puppy to be completely honest,” he said and Gwen looked truly interested.

“Is he good in school?”

“He’s the best, he tells me how he’s the top in his class. He told me he made a perfect score on the ACT, ridiculous right?” Michael asked and she nodded.  
“I just wish you had a picture,” she said and he nodded.

“He’s just very camera shy,” he lied, in all honestly he had over hundreds of photos of Calum on his phone. Even if it wasn’t who Calum saw himself as, it was him in those pictures. His smile, his crinkled eyes, and especially the way he could hear his laugh whenever he looked at the photos.  
-  
Today was Halloween

Calum was in one of Michael’s shirts and some jeans, and a beanie in his hair. He liked the way he looked very lanky on his bottom half. He looked into the mirror, she still stared right back at him, but what could he do?

“Are you ready to go to the party–“Michael stopped once he saw Calum in his clothes. Something twisted his heart at the site of the person who he had a crush on in his clothes.

“Do I look okay? I mean I feel great, but do I look okay?” Calum asked and Michael nodded.

“You look so hot,” he said and regretted it. Calum didn’t care if anyone called him hot, he was used to it. “You look handsome.”

Calum turned to look at him and looked confused. “Do I really?”

Michael nodded. “Everybody is going to be jealous that we’re going together, even though you’re there to make sure I don’t get too drunk.”

“Guys!” Gwen exclaimed and she was at the doorframe. She was dressed as a police officer, a men’s costume since she actually wanted a police costume.

“You look great,” Calum said and Gwen flipped her hair causing Michael to laugh.

“What are you going as?” Gwen asked Michael, she already knew that Calum was going as Michael.

“I thought about going as babe, but I decided that dysphoria isn’t a great costume. So I decided to go as an indie rock kid,” he said and Calum saw it after he pointed it out.  
Michael was wearing a The Wombats shirt, a jean jacket, and some black pants. His once red hair was now blonde, he looked really good.

“I can’t see it. Honestly you looked like normal,” Gwen said and Calum nodded. Michael groaned and then sighed.

“I’m punk rock all the time though.”

“Tell yourself that, Michael,” Calum said and Gwen laughed.  
-  
The party was going well, Michael was attached to Calum’s side. Calum felt like they were actually dating, even though he knew that would never actually happen. Michael was drunk, everything was slurred about him. 

“Callie, do you want to have a drink?” Michael slurred and Calum shook his head. This action had been done over a hundred times prior and Calum was getting sick of it.

He spotted Gwenn talking to Niall, the two had broken up two weeks prior since Niall was moving in a couple weeks. Gwen couldn’t do long distance, she had to have at least three cuddle sessions a day. Niall understood this, the two had dated for three months and knew everything that Gwen needed in a relationship. They were still friends, and they still cared for the other.

“Are you mad that Niall and Gwen are no longer together?” Calum asked Michael and Michael nodded.

“I loved them together. He knew how to make her happy and she hadn’t been that happy in a while. I just miss the smile on her face whenever she came home because I knew that she was happy. She’s still happy, but it’s not the same anymore,” he said and Calum nodded.

“You two are such a cute couple,” Harry said, making Calum and Michael turn to him. He had skeleton makeup on his face and looked like he was from a horror movie.   
“Oh, we’re not dating,” Calum said and Harry smiled at that. Michael was gritting his teeth together, he knew what Harry was about to do.

“So, Lucy, if you’re not dating Michael here then why don’t you share a dance with me?” Harry asked, his deep voice was trying to enchant Calum.

“I’m happy right here, so no,” Calum said before turning his back to Harry. He knew it was a rude thing to do, but he didn’t want Harry to get the wrong impression. Calum had no interest in Harry, especially after the stories he heard from the cheer squad.

“Just one dance?” Harry asked and Calum was ignored him.

“So do you think I could get a haircut?” Calum asked and Michael nodded. The blonde boy knew what Calum was doing, the boy had been doing this since they were freshmen. If a boy gave him unwanted attention, he just ignored him.

Calum was grabbed by the shoulder and was forced to face Harry. 

“Don’t ignore me, slut.” Michael and Calum both went quiet, causing Harry to chuckle. “I’ve heard about your reputation in the bedroom.”

“What reputation? I’m positive that I’m a virgin,” Calum said, his monotone helped him through his anger and sadness.

“You may be virgin, but you’ve done some things,” Harry said and Calum shrugged and Harry’s hand let go of his shoulder.

“Is that all, because I’d like to go on with my night without you,” Calum said and Harry gritted his teeth. Calum turned and Harry went to yank at Calum’s beanie (where his hair was) when Michael punched him in the jaw.

“What the fuck was that?” Harry yelled, he was holding onto his jaw and Michael chuckled.

“That’s for being an ass to my baby,” Michael said before taking Calum’s hand and leading them away from the scene quickly.  
-  
“Why the hell would you punch Harry?” Gwen asked, the three were driving home and she was beyond mad when she found out about it.

“He was hitting on Calum and he has no fucking right to do that,” Michael said and Gwen hit the brake. She was thankful that they were in neighborhood streets instead of the highway.

“Calum was there and you didn’t tell me?” Gwen asked, more like yelled, and Calum retracted into Michael’s side.

“Well you see, he was there. You spoke to him and he was very sober,” Michael said and Gwen looked at him confused.

“Why wouldn’t you introduce him to me?” She asked and Michael shrugged. Calum didn’t want Gwen to explode, so he made a quick decision.

“I’m Calum,” he said and Gwen stopped swearing at Michael and just stared at the boy.

“You’re Calum?” Gwen asked and he nodded. He was unbuckling his seatbelt, ready to get out if he had to. He opened the door and Gwen spoke up again. “Where are you going?”

“I don’t want to hear you tell me that you hate me and how we can’t be friends, so I can just leave,” he said and she shook her head. He closed the car door and it was quiet in the car for a couple minutes.

Gwen was staring right into Calum’s soul, as if she was evaluating him. He wanted to scream that he’s not one of her patients at the hospital she volunteers at every other day. He didn’t know what was going on in her mind like he normally did.

“Someone please fucking talk,” Michael finally blurted, he hated silence. Silence is what his mother gave him when she wasn’t calling him Michelle.

“How long have you’ve known?” Gwen asked Calum and shrugged. He hated this question, there’s not a moment you just know.

“Around the time Mikey came out,” he said and she nodded. Then, out of nowhere, Gwen was crying and both of the boys were confused at her reaction.

“How the hell did I not realize? You always flinched when I said your name, but I just thought you didn’t like your name. You seemed so uncomfortable all the time in your dresses, this is the most comfortable I’ve ever seen you,” she said and Calum stared to tear up.

“Gwen, please don’t beat yourself up. I tried for the longest time to change it, I promise that it’s okay that you didn’t know. I always thought that my disgust towards my birth name was kept a secret,” he said and she nodded.

“Why did you tell him first?” Gwen asked as she wiped away the tears streaming down her face. Calum could hear the hurt in her voice.

“It was honestly just something that happened. I asked him how he knew he was a boy and then I came out. It was a very emotional moment that I really don’t want to recreate right now,” he said and Michael had his arm around Calum and was rubbing his arm. Calum was crying though, he knew that it would be an emotional topic for quite some time.

“So you go by Calum?” She asked and he nodded. She wiped her eyes and as did he. “Well, Calum, it’s nice to finally know you.”

Calum smiled at her and began to cry even more and Michael brought him into his arms. Gwen gave her brother a knowing look and Michael smiled at her.   
Calum felt relief that his best friend since the fifth grade accepted him even when he wasn’t sure if he fully accepted himself.   
-  
“I want a boyfriend so bad. I really just need someone to love me and call me baby boy,” Calum said falling back onto the bed with a sigh. 

Calum spoke to Michael about relationship problems, things that he knew that Gwen would feel uncomfortable talking about.

“I would call you baby boy, but that would be really uncomfortable,” Michael said and Calum finally rolled his eyes and looked over at the boy next to him.

“I don’t think it would be really,” Calum said and Michael just laughed.

Calum would either try to hold his hand or straight up flirt and Michael couldn’t tell. He even asked Gwen if Michael still liked that boy and she said that she wasn’t sure.  
Calum was fed up with leaving hints, he hated leaving hints. What was the point in them if the person you wanted couldn’t even pick them up? So, doing what anyone would do, he grabbed Michael’s face and kissed him.

It was a very unorganized kissed seeing that Michael wasn’t expecting it at all and was very confused. Even when he kissed back, it was awful. They weren’t in the same beat as their hearts or whatever, Calum finally pulled away and sighed. 

“That’s the worst kiss I’ve ever experienced, but I still really like you,” Calum said and Michael giggled. Michael looked completely embarrassed, unlike Calum who still somehow looked confident. 

“You like me, as in a like like?” Michael asked and Calum chuckled a little.

“Yes, why else would I kiss you and then say that I like you?” he asked and Michael giggled some more. His cheeks were bright pink and his eyelashes were fluttering every five seconds. Calum was in love with Michael’s giggle and wanted to say something cute just to hear it again.

“Thank god because I thought I was going to explode if you didn’t like me as well,” Michael said and Calum stared at him with wide eyes.

“Wait, I’m the boy you like? I’m a boy to you? You know that one you said you liked forever ago?” Calum asked and Michael pulled the boy to his chest and kissed his hair.

“Yes, I’ve liked you for the longest time. You’re the boy of my dreams. You’re so funny, cute, smart, and have some balls for kissing me like that,” he said and Calum breathed Michael in.

“I look like a girl, how could I be the boy of my dreams?” Calum asked, a tear fell down his cheek and Michael wanted to start crying. Calum sat up and was staring at Michael, as if waiting for the boy to reject him.

“What you look like on the outside is not who you are on the inside. You may be Lucy, but Lucy isn’t you,” Michael said and Calum was full on sobbing now.

Michael wrapped the boy into his arms and kissed his forehead, he was trying not to cry for Calum’s sake. He knew how emotionally draining it could be looking into the mirror and not seeing the person you are.

“Thank you,” Calum cried as he gripped the bottom of Michael’s grey shirt. It may seem disturbing that Michael would hold onto this moment, but he knew that every time Calum confided into him that it was a special moment.

“No problem, baby boy,” Michael whispered and Calum looked up at him with pink cheeks. He kissed Michael’s cheek and put his head on Michael’s chest.

“I really hate myself,” Calum said and Michael sighed.

“That’s hard to get over, sometimes I look in the mirror and I see Michelle and I hate her. You hate her, not you,” he said and Calum sighed.

“I really wish I didn’t hate anyone,” Calum said and Michael ran his fingers through Calum’s hair. “I wish that I could’ve just been born me, not her.”

“One day you’ll be you and she’ll be a memory,” Michael said and Calum started to cry once more.

“But what if I never get to be me? What if I’m stuck as Lucy?” He asked and Michael shook his head.

“I won’t allow that, I’ll do everything I can to make sure you’re finally you.”  
-  
Calum’s heart was racing, he was at the hairdresser. He had asked his mom if he could cut his waist length hair to his shoulders and she didn’t care. She had claimed that it wasn’t her hair, and that he didn’t need long hair to be a scientist.

Michael was seated next to him, he was holding Calum’s hand and could feel his pulse through his fingers.

“Calum, please calm down,” Michael said and Calum shot him a glare.

“You’re not cutting off 24 inches of hair, so shut up,” Calum snapped and Michael looked at him confused.

“You don’t have two feet of hair?” He asked and Calum rolled his eyes.

“I have a lot of fucking hair, now shut the fuck up,” Calum said and Michael stopped talking. It was silent for the next three minutes until a woman motioned Calum to come up to her station.

“I believe in you.”

“Shut up, Michael.”

Calum was literally shaking, the last time he had a haircut was five years ago. Someone once said that guys liked girls with long hair, so he grew it out.

“Hey darlin’, you here just getting a trim?” Sally, the hairdresser, asked and Calum shook his head. He wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to talk.

“I w-want it, it–“Calum was cut off by Michael.

“My friend here wants it cut to their shoulder,” he said as he put his finger right on Calum’s shoulder. It took all the power in Calum to not turn around and kiss Michael for helping him.

“You want to cut off 15 inches?” Sally asked and Calum nodded.

“Yes,” he choked out and he sat down. Michael didn’t go back to his seat, he sat in the floor next to Calum’s chair and held his hand.

“Are you two dating?” Sally asked and she started spraying Calum’s hair with water.

“No, but I really wish we were,” Michael said and Sally looked down at Calum with questioning eyes. She didn’t say anything, she just started to cut his hair and he flinched each time he heard the scissors.

“When’s the last time you cut your hair?” She asked and Calum shrugged.

“I think it was five years ago, but now really thinking it could’ve been more than six years ago. I was 12 the last time I got my last haircut maybe?” Calum asked and Sally looked at him shocked.

He watched her in the mirror as she cut his hair, her pastel pink hair constantly got in her eyes until she pinned it back up. This was someone he expected to see with Michael and thought that Michael would most likely get her number.

“That’s it,” she said and Calum looked up from Michael to still see Lucy staring at him and sighed. He knew that this wasn’t planned, but he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Do you know who Halsey is?” He asked and Sally nodded. 

“Love her, why do you ask?” She asked and he sighed. He looked at Michael who nodded.

“I’m going to show you a photo of her with a pixie cut and I want that, I can’t stand my hair feeling long anymore,” he said and she nodded.

He went to Google to find a photo and showed her and she nodded. She got her clippers out, placing them on the table, and then she looked at him.

“Are you sure about this? You look absolutely beautiful with your hair at this length,” she said and he gritted his teeth.

“Please just cut my hair,” he said and she nodded before she started to cut at the hair before using the clippers.

“It’s okay, baby,” Michael whispered into Calum’s hand. He knew this entire experience would be hard for Calum.

Calum stared at Michael and sighed fondly. 

“I love you,” Calum blurted and Michael started to blush vibrant pink color along with looking at the floor. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I love you too,” Michael said and Calum sighed in relief.

“You sure you two aren’t dating?” Sally asked and Calum nodded. 

“I have too much shit going on right now to date anyone,” he said and she nodded. 

She didn’t understand that he meant that he was a literal ball of emotions that cried every time someone misgendered him or called him the wrong name. She just assumed that he was top in his class, which wasn’t exactly wrong.

“How does it look currently?” Sally asked and he looked into the mirror to see something else almost poking out of Lucy, he knew that it was him; it was Calum. 

“Oh my god, Mikey do you see this? Do you see who this is?” Calum asked excitedly and Michael nodded at the boy in front of him.

“Let me finish up, and then you two can be getting on your way,” she said and Calum nodded. He stared at his reflection and was grinning ear to ear.

“You’re looking great, Cal,” Michael said and Calum smiled at him. His smile reached his eyes, something it hadn’t been doing lately.

“All done,” Sally said and Calum looked up once again and felt more comfortable in his body than he had in years.

“Thank you so much, how much do I owe you?” He asked and she got her broom out from under her work station.

“All you owe is $20,” she said and Michael already had out $25 and handed it to her.

“Thank you so much,” he said and Calum looked at him confused.

“I was going to pay for my own haircut,” Calum said and Michael chuckled.

“But I beat you to it.”

“Ugh.”

The two walked out of the salon when Michael grabbed Calum’s hand and the kiwi boy smiled at Michael. Michael’s stomach growled and Calum chuckled.  
“Let’s go get something to eat, I’m down for pizza or anything really,” Calum said as he swung the two’s hands and Michael nodded. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth that he would squeal and that was not a very punk rock thing to do.

“Pizza or something else?” Calum asked as they walked over to Michael’s car.

“Sure, let’s get pizza,” Michael squeaked out and Calum started to laugh. Michael would’ve laughed too if Calum hadn’t of been laughing at him.

“You’re too cute, I could just date you,” Calum said and Michael’s cheeks were on fire. Calum cooed at the boy, grabbing his cheeks and squishing them. “You being this cute is going to kill me.

“Stop,” Michael whined and Calum kissed his cheek before going over to the passenger seat of the car and getting in. Michael got in and drove them to Pizza Hut (very romantic) and turned the car off.

“Is this a date?” Calum blurted and Michael looked over at him and shrugged.

“Do you want this to be a date?” He asked and Calum fiddled with his blue tennis skirt and shrugged.

“I mean yeah, but if you don’t like me like that then don’t worry, we can forget all about this awkward sentence,” Calum said and Michael chuckled.

“I told you that I love you and you’re still afraid that I don’t like you. You remind me of Gwen–“Calum cut him off. 

“Is that an insult because I will fucking hurt you,” he said and he didn’t mean Michael insulting him, he meant Michael insulting Gwen.

“No, it’s not an insult, please don’t hurt me.” Calum smirked and laughed.

“I won’t hurt you, just stop being rude.”

“Okay, I promise to stop being rude.”

“You didn’t have to promise.”

“But I did.”

“Stop stalling.”

“Sorry I’m really fucking nervous.”

Calum put his hand on Michael’s cheek and looked at him in the eyes. “I promise I’m not going to start hating you if this is a bad date. Just breathe, I’m right here.”

“Okay,” Michael said and the two got out of the car and headed into Pizza Hut.  
-  
“Today is the day,” Calum whispered to himself. Michael looked over at him. The two were laying in Calum’s bed watching How to Get Away with Murder.

“What are you doing today?” Michael asked and Calum laid his head on Michael’s shoulder.

“I think it’s time to just come out,” Calum said and Michael kissed his forehead. Michael knew that Calum was finally ready to come out, after several months of only Michael and Gwen knowing.

“Are you sure about this?” Michael asked and Calum shrugged.

“No one is ever actually ready for this, you just do it,” Calum said as he got up and changed his pajama shirt to a clean one.

“Do you want me to stay, just in case?” Michael asked and Calum nodded.

“Why wouldn’t I want my boyfriend to be here with me when I come out to my family?” Calum asked and Michael sighed.

“I’m just afraid that they’re going to hurt you and you’re not going to know what to do,” Michael said and Calum shrugged.

“In all honesty, I’ve been planning this or a while and Gwen said that I could move in with you guys,” Calum said and Michael looked confused.

“Why didn’t you ask me?”

“Are you seriously mad that I didn’t ask you? Gwen and your dad are closer than you and him and I just needed her to ask him if it was all okay,” Calum said and Michael rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, sure,” he said and Calum gave him a look.

“I’ll just go come out right now and you can chill the fuck down,” Calum said before putting some pants on and going out into the hall.

“Wait, no! I’ll come with you,” Michael said and Calum smirked at the other boy.

The two walked downstairs and all of Calum’s family was sitting at the dinner table eating lunch. Joy smiled at him and David sent him a smile as well.

“Hey, Michael, want to watch some football with me later?” David asked, only trying to bond with his daughter’s boyfriend.

“I’m not into sports much,” Michael said awkwardly and David shrugged, not hurt by the statement.

“I’ll watch the game with you later, Dad,” Calum said and David nodded, that’s what usually ended up happening in the end.

It was quiet while Calum and Michael got something to eat and sat down. Calum sat at the end of the table, where everyone could see him.

“I have something to tell you,” he said and Joy’s eyes widened.

“Please tell me you’re not pregnant,” she said and he shook his head violently.

“I am not pregnant, that sounded like I was. I promise I am not pregnant,” he said and his parents sighed out of relief.

“Then what is it? We will love you no matter what,” Joy said and David nodded. Calum looked at them with teary eyes.

“I just don’t know if that’s completely true, but I have to tell you,” he said and Joy looked concerned.

“It’s okay, Lucy, just tell us.”

“The thing is that I’m not Lucy, I’m not a girl,” he said and David looked at him confused.

“What do you mean you’re not a girl, you obviously are,” he said and Calum sighed.

“I’m a boy. I’m transgender.”


End file.
